Feeling Down Lately... They Called Me With No Job Offer

Sometimes I can't help but get down on myself and wonder if I picked the wrong field to study. I got my BA in Environmental Studies and am currently working on my Master's of Science with no jobs in sight. Especially no jobs in sight now with COVID-19. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I am safe at home and that other people can be safe at home. But I also had high hopes of being able to find a job in the field that I have been dreaming of being a part of for so long and have worked hard to become a part of. I am scheduled to graduate in December of this year, but where I stand now financially, I am not sure that I will even be able to achieve that.

Recently, I was contacted by a place I had sent an application to and they asked me for a phone call. I was so excited. I thought for sure I was at least being consider for a position. Why else would a business ask for a phone call? So I scheduled my phone call and waited anxiously for it. I did my research, learned about the specific Environmental Management System they used, prepared the skills I had that could relate to their specific business. I had all my ducks in a row. I barely slept the night before out of nerves. I waited for the clock to hit 11:30 and for the phone to ring.

Then my phone call happened. One of the first words the man said to me was that there were no job openings currently available. My heart dropped. I thought, why are we speaking over the phone now then? Why are you wasting my time? Everything I had planned immediately went out the window. It was supposed to be a 30 minute phone call which ended up being 45 minutes, with me talking for less than 5 minutes total and him going on about the water treatment facility and how a position MIGHT open up in the future and how I could "literally get my feet wet" starting working at the company. I tried to ask specifics about the job and he couldn't give me any and deflected by offering me a tour. I originally said yes, but later emailed saying no. I said I have no experience with that, as in actual NO EXPERIENCE, but that didn't matter. My skills would be useless and all he could describe was sludge removal from lagoons and how it could be a "resume builder", why did you call my resume impressive then?

This whole situation was extremely embarrassing for me. Here I was putting myself out there, then thinking I had a shot, then being offered a position that, not only did not exist, but was also so low a skill level that other companies look for people with high school degrees or equivalent to do the job. I was so embarrassed and felt humiliated. Here I was with a big list of skills on what they called an "impressive" resume, and this was my offer? A non-existent job, with no salary offer, no day to day responsibilities to state, and not utilizing a single thing I put on my resume? For something that might not even happen. My mind could not wrap my head around what happened.

I suppose I was one of those people who had high hopes of being able to save the world in one way or another. I thought that I would find a job that made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile and important. That my reason for existing was to help ensure the planet continued to exist. And when things look as grim as things are right now... I can't help but feel I made some mistakes in my life. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. When something like this comes along and hits you in your ego it makes you question if you are in fact better than that or if all you are ever going to be worth is a body to move sludge.

But maybe that is also just a feeling my generation has in general. Sure, some Millennials were lucky to find jobs and be able to support themselves and start families. But how many of us are doing what we actually want to be doing? Maybe that is something I will have to accept. Maybe all the studying wasn't worth it. Maybe I just know a lot of information that will never get me anywhere besides behind a cash register or worse. And Maybe I just need to learn how to accept that. I really hope this isn't true. But for now, I've just been feeling down lately... and I think it's okay sometimes to just let yourself feel what you feel in order to move past it. I'll get there eventually, but for now I just want to curl up in my blanket and forget the rest of the world for a while.

Overtone Rose Gold For Brown Hair Review: With Before & After PIc! Plus discount link!

I recently decided to try Overtone the color depositing conditioner. I wanted to get the rose gold color for blond hair, but they were out of stock so I picked up the rose gold for brown hair. My hair is dark blond and lightens when I go out into the sun. The ends are more of a highlighted blond while my roots are closer to a light brown. I knew that because my hair was lighter it would be more of a bright pink than a rose gold and I was fine with that. Keep your hair color in mind while ordering if you plan on doing so.

I ended up ordering the set that included the color depositing deep conditioner, a regular size bottle of their everyday color depositing conditioner, and a travel size bottle of the everyday conditioner.

It arrived very quickly, it took less than a week, but I did order the express shipping because I was worried about it taking too long in the current situation. It was packaged nicely and I found it funny that the box said they would put a mirror there but I already know how good I look. We like a company with humor. 

 I was a little intimidated by just how neon the color in the container was! But I followed the directions and I really loved the bright pink results I ended up with! And it smells super strongly of cinnamon which was amazing. But if you are sensitive to smell, might be something to consider. The everyday conditioner has the same smell, but not as strong.
The deep conditioner left my hair feeling soft but definitely like there was something in it. It almost felt slightly chalky, but this did not last long. It did not feel damaging at all, which I liked because I am still trying to grow my hair out.






 

Here's a little Before and After photo:

For me, the bright color lasted about a week and a half before fading to what would be considered more of a rose gold look. I was not using a color safe shampoo, but I did continue to use their everyday conditioner. My roots faded significantly faster because I do not put conditioner there. I think the color would completely fade after maybe a month and a half. I ended up re-dying my hair after the one month mark because I had used about half the container for my first color and wanted to use the rest. Came out just as good the second time.
I highly recommend if you want to try a non-permanent hair color. If you want something that will last a long time though, this might not be for you.

If you are interested in trying Overtone, check them out at this link to get $10 off your first purchase!

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING A Book Review

This Changes Everything: Capitalism VS the Climate by Naomi Klein offers a look at how capitalism is fueling environmental destruction. This book offers real life examples of this as well as offers solutions. The book is split into 3 parts.

Part 1 takes an in depth look at the issues related to capitalism and environmental disasters such as super storm sandy. It mostly comes down to greed in the oil/coal industry has lead to people being willing to overlook glaring evidence of climate change. Who would be willing to support something that would cause their own business to cease to exist? Politicians are not willing to support scientific evidence when their reelection depends on these business succeeding enough to donate to their campaign.

Part two takes a look at what has happened in the past when business that destroy the environment claim to donate to environmental efforts. The reality is that after a company is done paying their employees as well as themselves there is not much left for environmental issues. She takes a look at at The Virgin Earth Challenge that offered a large amount of money for whoever could find a way to remove carbon dioxide from the air and discussed the problems related to geoengineering in general. Geoengineering is generally trying to find a way to removed carbon from the air, and this is not always as drastic as large fans sucking carbon out of the air but also includes re-forestry. However, the method discussed is one that mimics volcanic eruptions by spraying sulfur into the air in order to minimize the amount of sunlight making it down to earth. The issues with trying to diffuse sunlight is that it will effect precipitation and could cause further warming to occur if we were to stop once started. It would essentially be creating a greenhouse.

Part three looks at why we should still strive to make a difference when things seem to be pointing towards disaster. This section focuses a lot on environmental justice type issues.;' We look at examples of communities fighting against companies like Chevron that are polluting their areas. Anti tar sands has had a large movement behind it that speaks out about the destruction it causes. These activists speak about how these situations are effecting their communities and this is gaining support.
We look at the "war on science" and how experts are being silenced in order for governments to spread misinformation about everything being fine.

If you are interested in any of these ideas, I highly recommend you check out this book. Naomi Klien does a fabulous job of presenting scientific fact in an easy to digest and relatable way, even stating at one point that she herself was a climate change denier.

The Reading Rush Quarantine Edition!

I am very excited for this! I know I am currently doing the O.W.L.s this month, but I think this will really get me through that! I am going to try to make the books for these prompts also fit for those prompts so I can multitask.

 

Some things to address: These were the original prompts that were stated by the hosts of this readathon on their Twitter and Instagram accounts. There were a number of people who were upset by the bonus challenge and by the desert island book challenge. So Ariel and Raeleen decided to change the prompts. I do not think this was the correct decision to make and this is why: 

 1. The prompts for these readathons are always optional and people do not need to follow them if they do not want to/feel uncomfortable/do not like them. 

2. The prompt about reading about a pandemic or isolation book was the bonus prompt, meaning that it was not a requirement.

3. These two prompts were the most creative and the ones I was most excited about following. In order to meet the needs of others, they shut out those who were joining in specifically because of those prompts in particular. I know I am not the only one. 

Here are the new prompts. As you can see the desert island book and bonus prompt have been removed. And instead, read a book that will make you smile has been added. This is so upsetting to me and honestly feels like a cop out to try to make everyone happy. By trying to make everyone happy, they have upset a different group of people instead. I don't think that is fair either.

I will be using the books I picked for the original prompts for the new "make you smile challenge" even though I preffered the old prompts.

A book with a house on the cover: There's Somebody Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins

Read a book in the same room the whole time: This one will most likely be Iron to Iron by Ryan Graudin because it is the shortest book. Although, I am in a fairly small apartment, so the likelihood of reading a book in the same room the entire time is pretty high anyway!

Read a book set somewhere you wish you could go: For this one I am going to use Clockwork Prince and/or Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare. These books are set in London which is somewhere I definitely want to see.

Read a book that will make you smile: World War Z by Max Brooks

***

I will be posting daily updates here:

April 16, 2020:
I listened to the remaining 127 pages of Melissa Explains It All by Melissa Joan Hart that I had left to read. I know this wasn't part of my TBR for this specifically but I was already reading it as part of the O.W.L.s and wanted to finish. I give it 3 out of 5 stars. I've been really enjoying celebrity memoirs this year for some reason.
My TBR is completely out the window at this point and it's only day one hahaha. I read about 50 pages of You Are An Artist by Sarah Urist Green. I wasn't originally planning on reading this but I just got it the day it came out and was too excited to check it out to wait. It looks at art complexly and offers prompts to get your creativity going as well.

April 17, 2020:
I started listening to Clockwork Prince which is actually a book on my TBR! Yay! This is kind of a long one so fingers crossed I can get through it int he next 2 days. Can I also count this as my book with a house on the cover? That might be a bit of a stretch.
I also finally started Iron to Iron and read 29 pages of that. It's really good. I didn't realize it was going to take place before the first book, for some reason I had it in my head that it took place between the first and second books.
Also listened to about 75 pages of Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson that my Boyfriend and I started listening to together a while ago. We ended up visiting my boyfriend's mom for a while and listened on the way there. 


April 18, 2020:
Listened to Hello Neighbor 1: Missing Pieces. I can only recommend for middle grade readers. Didn't enjoy this that much, but wanted something quick for the book with a house on it read rather than my original choice.

April 19, 2020:
I managed to complete all the challenges by finishing Clockwork Prince! I'm totally double counting things, but that's allowed with this readathon so it's all good! Can't wait to add the badges to my Reading Rush Profile once I can! I ordered the limited edition book marks and I'm so excited! I've been around since the very first Booktubeathon and I am always so thrilled to see how far this readathon has come!

Spending by Birthday in Quarentine

Today was my 24th birthday and what a way to spend it. I've been finding blogging to be a lot of fun again lately with all the craziness of the world and I'm treating this a little bit like a diary entry. It'll be interesting to look back on later in life.

My day started in the normal way it would. I made coffee and scrolled through my social medias for a bit. I also enjoyed some tea. My boyfriend and I found this green tea kombucha flavor from Yogi the last time we did a big grocery trip. I think it tastes good, but I'm not sure how they can claim that there's kombucha in it. Isn't kombucha just fermented tea? Maybe I'm wrong. This tea tastes different than normal green tea though and the message today was "May this day bring you peace, tranquility and harmony," all of which was welcomed today.

I decided that today I would not do any school work, which has felt strange. Doing an online program means that there are no weekend breaks, I have things due every Sunday and am usually doing at least part of an assignment every single day of the week. It's not so crazy busy that one day will be hard to make up though, so I decided to give myself a day off in this strange time of being constantly at home.

I decided I was going to go full on spa day routine to treat myself at home. I touched up the dye in my hair, exfoliated, shaved, and plan on doing a face mask tonight. I find that for the most part I don't feel like anything is wrong until I go out and see what the world is really like, then you see the one way signs in the grocery store and people wearing masks everywhere. That's when my anxiety kicks in a little bit and starts screaming, this isn't normal!

I decided to make myself some cookies this afternoon following Liz Mace's recipe that she posted on Instagram. It was really easy and didn't use any flour! Just 1 cup brown sugar, 1 cup peanut butter, 1 tsp baking powder, some salt, 1 large egg, and 1/2 a cup chocolate chips (but I added extra in mine). Then just bake at 350 for about 10 minutes depending on size. Mine had to be in a few minutes longer. They are delicious! And since flour is hard to find, this might be a good one to try if you have the stuff for it.

I was able to play my Animal Crossing New Horizons game where Billy the goat, Hans the gorilla, and Apple the hamster threw me a surprise party complete with a pinata! They K.K. Slider did a special Birthday performance for me with messages that the animal villagers and friends who had visited my Island had written for me. Honestly made my day. This was a nice way to celebrate without being able to see friends in real life. And I love this game so much. Animal Crossing has been a favorite of mine since 5th grade when my friend bought me Wild World as a birthday present.

My boyfriend went to the store to pick up some groceries and when he came back told me to look out the window because he had gotten me another present (he gave me a Germanikure nail kit earlier in the day, which I am super excited to use!). It was toilet paper! I caught the clip on camera but won't be sharing due to the fact that it would give away exactly where I live, but I'm glad I have that to look back on too! He made me a great steak dinner with broccoli and mashed potatoes. He also got me an Oreo ice cream cake.

I finished my day by trying out a face mask from Patchology. This was one of their hydrating ones. I really liked it and will have to keep my eye out for when this company is having sales. Overall it was a good day. Being in quarantine wasn't so bad. I even ordered myself a commemorative T-shirt: My 24th Birthday The One Where I Was Quarantined 2020.

Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy during this time.
<3 Rebecca

Dear Pop, I Can't Believe it's Been 10 Years

Dear Pop,

It's been 10 years since you passed away. I almost forgot as I was going about my day today the significance of this date. Back then, I didn't think I could ever do that. I didn't think I would go through a single day without thinking about you. It was the day before my 14th birthday and I will never forget those who told me "Happy birthday, sorry to hear about Pop." I thought I would never be the same, and in some ways that is true and in others it is not.

I still think about you often and especially every time I go to Meme's house. She's doing okay without you there, she's brave about staying home alone but enjoys everyone's company. We all miss you. Today was Easter and the world is in a dark place. There is a virus that has everyone in quarantine and I wish you were here to talk to. We all spent Easter separate which I don't think you would like to have seen, but we were all able to video chat yesterday which was nice. I would love to hear some stories about when you were growing up. Meme says in her 85 years she's never seen anything like this before. That scares me a little. I'll be 24 tomorrow and I feel like I've seen so much sadness in the world.

I wish I could share with you everything I've accomplished. I'm almost 24 now. I graduated high school and college without you there. But it snowed my college graduation, so maybe it was better that way. I was really sick for a while, and that is something I'm glad you didn't have to see. I went to Costa Rica, I am working on my Master's of Science, and I have an amazing boyfriend who I really wish you could meet. I wish I could talk to you about how discouraged I've been lately with school and the lack of job opportunities. You would encourage me to try my best and keep going. You always said I would make something of myself and I really need to for you.

I used to think that it wasn't fair that Jessica had 10 more years with you than I got. Now I understand better that it doesn't matter how much time, it's the quality of that time that is most important. I'm lucky I got that with you.

Rest in peace Pop, we all love you.

Quarantine Routine

I think it's important, especially in this time of uncertainty, to make sure we have some sense of normality going on. Here is my ideal routine I would like to be following during this time starting with a few goals I've been trying to do.

Daily goals:
Drink 1 32oz water bottle per day
Workout/Stretches
Get 1 Chore Done (dishes, laundry, etc...)
Read
Check my Animal Crossing town

8:00AM-9:00AM:
Wake up
Make Coffee
Take Pills
Get Dressed

9:00AM-12:00PM:
Eat Breakfast
Fill up water bottle for the day
Sign in to school
FOCUS

12:00PM-2:00PM:
Lunch
Chore for the day
Any other necessary chores (Pay bills, finish assignments I didn't do this morning, etc...)
Relax

2:00PM-5:00PM:
Workout
Shower
Put PJs on
Relaxation time (Read, Animal Crossing, etc...)

5:00PM-6:00PM
Start making dinner

6:00PM-til I fall asleep
Dinner
Relaxation time